So my therapist is leaving my clinic. I'd been seeing her for a long time, nearly three years. For how much I appreciate everything she's done for me, I'm surprised how well I took the news. I mean, what good would getting upset do?
Also in the Change bucket is this blog's design... I spent too long adapting it from my main raech.net site's design, but I think it turned out pretty nice. My head's foggy these days, which prolonged the process, but I really did miss being excited about things. Turns out you tend to enjoy yourself if you're excited about something. Who'da thunk. I still have a ways to go on this, since I abandoned using Jekyll for stitching the site together and am now doing it by hand; I'm trying to write a script to help automate the generation of the site index, but it'll take a while to get going.
While the past few days have been fun, the past few weeks haven't been so fun. In some misguided effort to better understand the social and interpersonal rammifications of my various thoughts and urges, I've been overexposing myself to both SI and SI in books, TV shows, and films.
- Exhibit A: The Memory of Light, a YA novel about a girl who has it all waking up in a psychiatric ward after a suicide attempt, and the people she meets there. I'm only about halfway through the book, but I'm already reminded of the parting words I got from my therapist: "I hope some day you can see yourself the way others see you." As Vicky gets to know the other teens in the psych ward, she is told by them how much she means to them—and is needed by them. They like her. Sometimes people in my life seem to like me. Why am I making this blog.
- Exhibit B: Various episodes of TV shows, including Skins, House, Lie to Me. The latter two had only to do with self-injury, but the former has several suicide attempts. So that's nice. People seem to care about the people who attempt. That feels misleading, but there you have my own biases about myself.
- Exhibit C: Before I Disappear. This one's a really fantastic movie, with a cute-as-hell relationship between a suicidal uncle and his precocious 11-year-old niece. If you've got Netflix, see this movie.
Today I'm going to go see Kong: Skull Island. I need something escapist and beautiful to contrast my recent media of choice. I'll leave y'all with a very short story excerpted from the film Short Term 12, called The Shark and the Octopus.